Lord of the Rats
by Star Peach
Summary: Ron runs away from Hogwarts . . . Oliver, rejected by various quidditch teams joins the circus . . . co-ritten w/ tigeR.eye odd, but a nice little romance w/ Ron/Oliver...R&R!!
1. The Beginning

~*Author's Note #1*~  
Hi evry1! Although this is posted under Azura's name, I was a co-writer on this one (I'm  
tigeR.eye) Well, not yet exactly, since chapter one is by mi amigo Zura, but I'm in charge of  
chapter two. Anyway, this fic is very sugar-high right now, principally bcoz it's Zura's work, but  
it's all good. Zura's laughing t me right now . . .she seems to think this a/n is long and boring,  
one minute *wacks Zura on the head repeatedly* poor, poor Zura . . .she is sooooo clueless  
sometimes. Well, I guess there's not much more to say about this fic, it's pretty much self-  
explanatory. Stick with us, additional chapters to be uploaded soon. And now, sadly, I must pass  
on the keyboard to Zura, before she knocks me out and takes it by force. Adios!  
Your's forever and a day,  
~*tigeR.eye, the Talented, Eloquent Mastermind of this Operation*~  
  
  
  
A/N: sorry bout her. She is quite sugar high...and seeing as we were just looking at pics of Sean  
Biggerstaff on the net, she is, quite dazed...and truthfully, I'm not the clueless 1, she is...and  
although I rote the first chapter, I plan 2 make sure that u can't really tell the difference on who  
rote it when the second chapter is posted...now, 2 finish this long, boring, and totally pointless  
A/N, I will let u do what u came here 2 do, read the fic!!!au revoir!!!!!!!!!!  
~*Zura the Extremely Powerful and Cunning*~  
  
  
Disclaimer-we don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters featured in the books.  
  
  
  
Harry: Ron wake up!!!!!  
Ron's bed: *total silence*  
Harry: Ron???  
Ron's bed: *total silence*  
Harry: *gets up out of his bed to wake Ron up* Ron its time to wake up!!!!!  
Ron's bed: *more total silence*  
Harry: *wacks what he assumes to be Ron's head under the covers with a pillow* RON YOU  
NEED TO WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Ron's bed: *total silence*  
Harry: *pulls covers off the bed and is very surprised to find a note instead of Ron*  
  
~*The Note*~  
  
Harry,  
  
I can't stand it any longer. I'm dropping out of Hogwarts. I plan to fulfill my dream of  
becoming a famous rat trainer. I hope to see you again someday. Come see me in the circus.  
  
~Ron  
  
  
~*End of the Note*~  
  
  
Harry: *suddenly has an emotional breakdown* NO RON WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO  
ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITHOUT A BEST FRIEND  
LIKE YOU!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  
*stubs toe on his bed* damn it!!!!!stupid bed...*goes off to the great hall to eat breakfast*  
  
Hermione: Good morning Harry. I heard you screaming. Anything you'd like to tell me?  
  
Harry: *shoves note in her nose* Ron left.  
  
Hermione: *pulls note out of her nose*  
  
Harry: *shoves note back in her nose*  
  
Hermione: *pulls note out of her nose*  
  
Harry: *bangs head on the table*  
  
Hermione: and Harry, I would appreciate it if you would call me Chocolate Fudge Sunday from  
now on.   
  
Harry: *in a slightly competitive tone* fine then...call me...Pineapple Blueberry Smoothie!!!  
Chocolate Fudge Sunday: I don't like you anymore!!!!  
  
Pineapple Blueberry Smoothie: Fine then!!!I don't like you either!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Oliver Woods part in this twisted plot~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Oliver: *looks down at list of quidditch teams* ok, I didn't get into Pride of Portree, Puddlemere  
united, Ballycastle Bats, or the Montrose Magpies. This doesn't look so good. So much for being  
a professional quidditch player...  
  
Olivers Owl named Peanut Butter: SQUARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Oliver: if you squark again Peanut Butter, I'm going to dump you on the street in your cage and  
let rats eat you up!!!!  
  
Peanut Butter: squeak...  
  
Oliver: *mumbles to himself* evil owl...  
  
Peanut Butter: HOOT!!!!!  
  
Oliver: I guess we're going to be resorting to the circus...  
  
Peanut Butter: squeak...  
  
Oliver: I just hope that they accept me...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ron's little section of this twisted plot~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Ron: *sings at the top of his lungs* TRALALALALALALALALALA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Pigwidgeion: *in a very exuberant manner* tweet tweet!!!!!!!  
  
Ron: Thats right Pig!!!!we're going to work in the circus!!!!!!  
  
Pig: TAH-WEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ron: *starts singing again* TRALALALALALALALALALALA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End of this small segment of Lord Of The Rats~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


	2. The Circus

A/N: TigeR.eye is no longer TigeR.eye. She's shades of grey (or something like that) now. But this isn't about her. SHE has gone off and fallen for some random guy, leaving ME Azura Angelique (currently Bottled Emotions) in charge of chapter 2. (some co-author...) SO, you, my fine, fine audience, get to read a BONUS chapter by ME, (the great Azura Angelique) ^.^ don't you feel lucky?! ~*Bottled Emotions*~  
  
~~~AT THE CIRCUS~~~  
  
Ron: Hello, I'd like to become a rat trainer for this fine, fine circus here!  
  
Circus Manager Guy: Sure! That sounds great! Did you see our ad? We just lost our old rat trainer; he wanted to train elephants instead. We were looking for a new rat trainer.  
  
Ron: yeah! Your ad inspired me to go out and do great things like this!  
  
Circus Manager Guy: Spectacular! You can start working now! We'll work out all the fine details later!  
  
Ron: ok!  
  
Pig: TWEETT!!!  
  
Ron: That's right Pig! We're gonna be in the circus!  
  
~~~~~~~Oliver's twisted part of the plot~~~~~~~  
  
Oliver: I think I got lost.  
  
Peanut Butter: SQWAKK!!!  
  
Oliver: oh stop that Peanut Butter!!  
  
Peanut Butter: SQWAKK!!!!  
  
Oliver: Peanut Bu—(spots a circus tent) PEANUT BUTTER!! YOU'RE BRILLIANT! I LOVE YOU! (Hugs the owl cage)  
  
Peanut Butter: ~.~  
  
~~~BACK AT THE CIRCUS~~~  
  
Oliver: yes, I'd like a job here.  
  
Circus Manager Guy: Ok! What can you do?  
  
Oliver: I can fly on a broomstick...  
  
Circus Manager Guy: GREAT! We'll have an EASY time finding a place for you!!!  
  
Oliver: really? So I can still get famous for flying a broomstick??  
  
Circus Manager Guy: Yeah! I have no idea what you mean by still but oh well..  
  
Oliver: Peanut Butter! You're the best owl ever! (Hugs the cage again)  
  
Peanut Butter: Squeek....  
  
~~~TIME LAPSE (show time)~~~  
  
Circus Announcer Loser Guy: AND NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE NEW RAT TRAINER!  
  
Ron: (bows) thank you, thank you! You're a wonderful audience! Now, I'm going to show you what I can do with all these rats! (limp rat twitches in front of him)  
  
Stupid girl in the audience: There's only one rat there!  
  
Ron: (smiles flakily) That's the first thing I'm going to do! I'm going to make multiple rats appear!  
  
Audience: yay!  
  
Ron: (waves magic wand, makes rats multiply, makes rats do stupid tricks on circus equipment, end of show)  
  
Audience: yay!  
  
(Ron exits)  
  
Circus Announcer Loser Guy: AND NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, OUR FIRST AND ONLY BROOMSTICK FLYER!!  
  
(Oliver flies out on a broomstick)  
  
Audience: yay!  
  
Oliver: (waves to audience) watch me fly over all your heads!  
  
(Audience watches him fly over all their heads, end of show)  
  
Audience: yay! Oliver: (lands gracefully and bows) thank you, thank you! You're a wonderful audience!  
  
Circus Announcer Loser Guy: AND THAT'S THE END OF OUR SHOW! YOU'RE A WONDERFUL AUDIENCE! PLEASE COME AGAIN AND BRING YOUR FRIENDS! GOODBYE AND GOODNIGHT!!  
  
(Audience leaves)  
  
~~~BACKSTAGE~~~  
  
Ron: Oliver Wood!  
  
Oliver: Ron Weasley!  
  
(They just kinda stare at each other stupidly for a while)  
  
Ron: you look great!  
  
Oliver: you too!  
  
Ron: I didn't know you were gay.  
  
Oliver: I didn't know you were either.  
  
Ron: oh well, I didn't know I was gay either.  
  
Oliver: I didn't know I was gay either.  
  
Both: COOL!  
  
Pig: tweet...  
  
Peanut Butter: hoot...  
  
Both Birds: sigh  
  
(Ron and Oliver Hug and Kiss and stuff)  
  
~~~END THE MADNESS HERE~~~  
  
A/N: well, people actually reviewed, so HERE'S CHAPTER 2! (Even if it's not buy who you expected, it's still by yours truly!) ^.^ Hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a review. The button is on the bottom. I'm sure you can find it. Thank you for letting us waste your time! ~Yours Truly, Azura Angelique (Bottled Emotions) 


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